They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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