make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
