I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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