you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
