i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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