Kiss
Puke
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
