my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
