I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
