I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
