her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
