You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
