so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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