I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
