They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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