so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
