I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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