Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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