Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
