the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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