I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
