Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need moral support for this bender
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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