I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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