I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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