Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
