I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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