i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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