Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
