Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
