every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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