just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
