6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
