Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
