You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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