Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing