Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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