Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
