I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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