guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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