my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
someone threw a dead crab at me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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