a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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