ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
