i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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