remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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