when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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