I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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