3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
