I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
