I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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