He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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