my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
