dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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