Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
