Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
