She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
