I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
