Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
