My room smells like vodka and shame
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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