How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
