Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
