some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
