So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
