I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
