Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
