lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize