ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
