Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
