Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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